When The Dealer Is Over the User

Have you ever been misused before? Like the person should really mean you no harm. You grew up together, you fought together, you cried together, you laughed together. No one understood the ups and the downs like this person did. How could things ever go sour?

For years I was upset, giving too much energy away, and hurting. Their behavior and nature seemed to have gotten worse. I was over their chaos. It was as if I was helping a drug addict get their fix, then in return I was constantly put on the defensive when I did or said something they didn't like, agree with, or hated to admit. For years it was like walking on eggshells because there was no telling what level of esteem they were feeling that day or what they would do tomorrow.

Within adulthood and the various environments from it, each person should be able to overcome the barriers and be able to not let others get in the way of peace, happiness, and well being. Life already can be full of oppression and repression without already having someone take advantage of you. But really, what tools do you use to get to the point of enough is enough?

I don't know who has ever experienced this pain but it's real. I never knew how to actually move forward with acknowledging the toxicity, gaslighting, and borderline narcissism, but again everything has a season. My licensed therapist took the time to listen to an additional item I mentioned (which wasn't even on my list of things to get feedback on) and they began to help me see the enabling nature from this particular recurrence.

The solution…Boundaries!

I began to set boundaries. So instead of just learning to calm my spirit, change my mindset through affirmations, and be as silent as possible. I realized, I have a life to live and I have a lot of goodness happening which I fully welcome and embrace. The enablement has been more harmful than helpful. The journey of setting boundaries isn’t supposed to feel good. Matter of fact, it can feel like you are in the wrong and will soon self-destruct.

However, once you realize the nature and the power of boundaries, it becomes who you are in embracing your authentic self. It helps to get you to a place of peace, it also puts others within your environment in check and on alert. You can’t just be used and abused by others. Boundaries help to set precedence and help lessen the feeling of, “Am I helping this person or are they just getting their fix?” Another helpful reason for establishing boundaries is once you understand its power, boundaries are there to help you and redirect you. Plus this is the time when positive affirmations and a mindset shift geared towards peace can help you (things can for sure get real weird with the other person during this time lol) but just know your power will be in your boundaries through consistency and through your voice.

Life has done and shown a lot, yet God always has a plan and purpose. I am a firm believer that good things happen from doing good, having pure intentions, and by the seeds you sow on this Earth. So remember, the enabling drugged feeling has numbered days. It's not healthy nor is it appreciated. I pray those benefiting from misusing others and even lying about situations get all the boundaries necessary and get the real help their soul craves. It's time to clean up shop. There’s definitely been dark days, but even in the darkness there can be a glimpse of light that can’t be ignored.

Once you begin to stop gifting them their fix through changing up and stop being their “present help in their time of denial," that’s when they try to force what they want by showing their true face and incoherent intentions. Overall, things can get pretty ugly, but it’s not up to you to lose your cool. It’s up to you to continue to rise above, know what’s best for your overall health, establish the order that is needed for your soul and mind to be content, feel at peace, and live free from the enablement.

See light, Feel light, Accept light. This light will only come from boundaries. This light will help bring a stop personally to the enabling nature that stunts reality and pure growth as well. Stop saving people from seeing their own self. Let them grow and develop from the consequences of their own actions. Allow them to start their real journey towards full accountability and wholeness. Everyone has to learn and come to terms with their wrongs and misguidance, but take the time you need to heal, grow, and accept that boundaries are needed for your own growth journey and fulfilling your purpose. Your story may help others so refresh and begin.

Allow Real Change to Happen. Your inner self will thank you, and eventually you’ll see how your new found peace guides you to greater blessings and opportunities that benefit and inspire yourself and others.

Just Continue To Live and Grow